Ousome song
"Because Of You" - Kelly Clarkson
I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way
To never let it get that far
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid
I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing
Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid
Because of you
Because of you
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Kenny is so funny!
OMG. I wish i knew this earlier. but Kenny Sia is FFunny can! OMG....He's just hilarious, esp the "Bimbo blog" entry
hahahahahaha.....*rolls on the floor laughing like a mad woman*
hahahahahaha.....*rolls on the floor laughing like a mad woman*
Sonatinas, Rondos & Pieces
i love sonatinas!
no, it's not the korean show. it's a genre of musical movements.
son·a·ti·na ( P ) Pronunciation Key (sn-tn)n.
A sonata having shorter movements and often less technically demanding than the typical sonata.
so·na·ta ( P ) Pronunciation Key (s-nät)n.
A composition for one or more solo instruments, one of which is usually a keyboard instrument, usually consisting of three or four independent movements varying in key, mood, and tempo.
Mine's the Sonatina Album, Schirmer's Library of Musical Classic, Vol 51, by Louis Kohler, Ludwig Klee, etc. It's a classic yellow book. Every pianist would have at least played the compositions in it once.
My fav's from Muzio Clementi's Op. 36 No. 2, 3 & 6.
:D I hope playing the piano's coming bk into my life!
no, it's not the korean show. it's a genre of musical movements.
son·a·ti·na ( P ) Pronunciation Key (sn-tn)n.
A sonata having shorter movements and often less technically demanding than the typical sonata.
so·na·ta ( P ) Pronunciation Key (s-nät)n.
A composition for one or more solo instruments, one of which is usually a keyboard instrument, usually consisting of three or four independent movements varying in key, mood, and tempo.
Mine's the Sonatina Album, Schirmer's Library of Musical Classic, Vol 51, by Louis Kohler, Ludwig Klee, etc. It's a classic yellow book. Every pianist would have at least played the compositions in it once.
My fav's from Muzio Clementi's Op. 36 No. 2, 3 & 6.
:D I hope playing the piano's coming bk into my life!
Swinging Sunday
it's very strange how life is; how people are.
it's a point where you don't really have an idea what you're gonna do next, planless, lack of focus, no idea what you want. and basically, bumming ard waiting for something or someone to come along and push you along their path.
it's random. the sudden rush of playing the piano. the serendity of music. the melodious sound of soulfulness.
the sudden mood to flirt. the egoistic rush that comes with it. the attention that you get from it.
the sudden swing to melochany. the weird feeling of guilt. a reminder of the pain.
met millicent, my dear ex-colleague who's just finished her final exams from SMU, after tuition today. She's always such a dearie, very sweet and nice to everyone. her family's so close-knitted, it doesnt matter that her house might be messier than mine. she kisses her mum sorry-i-havent-got-time-to-help-you, calls her lil' sis darling, hugs her mum when she's leaving the hse. like i never did any of these before with my family. enviousity. a new term i coined. People who don't know her might find it skeptical cos "why would anyone be so nice?" they asked. Well, she really is. She has her share of stories of ppl irritating her, but she also has lovely stories about how dear her group of frens are to her. Seems like she meets nice ppl everywhere she goes! but really, it's only becos she is so nice, that others are always nice people to her. Innocence is always good. Anyway, we had the famous Fei fei Wanton mee along Tembeling Rd (or sth like that) near Joo Chiat and it was FANTASTIC. The noodles looked boring when they first came, with tiny slices of char siew & veg & wanton with plain looking pale-yellow noodles. One weird thing is that it came with a spoonful of chilli on the noodles. it's meant to be stirred into the noodles, mel said. Right, so i tried and at the same time wondering how come it automatically comes with chilli when i din ask for it. it's only when you really taste it that.....it SOOOO uberly yummy! omg. The noodles were soooo goood! i can't find a correct adjective to describe it, but it's smooth and not dry like the normal wontan noodles you find outside. yum yum! OH! And when u're done with ur noodles, bring ur bowl to where the noodles are cooked (the store front) and e auntie will automatically know wat to do - in a flash of lightning she grabs your bowl, puts a dash of fish stock (tt's wat mel told me), throws in some spring onions, pour some soup in and WALA~! The very yummy-non-MSG soup is done! Apparently the residue chilli after you finish your noodles is meant to add taste to your soup! Might sound a bit disgusting but it's UBERLICIOUS, i tell ya.
Came back home and flirted with the thought of going rollerblading again. Yesterday was great when i went with zhu who tried it for the 1st time. She can blade slowly now!! so proud of her!! :D I'm very happy! we'll go again, won't we zhu? hehe.
Well, i guess i won't go - the skies looking gloomy now. sigh.
Suddenly decided to play on my piano. it's surreal, the feeling. the rush of music flowing from your fingertips to your mind, filling you with a wave of peace. only regret? should have learnt it well when i was younger. i'm struggling with sight-reading now. blah.
how's the rest of the day gonna be? tomorrow's labour day - good thing cos long weekend. hopefully i'll get to go out tonight. pretty aimless these days. well.
it's a point where you don't really have an idea what you're gonna do next, planless, lack of focus, no idea what you want. and basically, bumming ard waiting for something or someone to come along and push you along their path.
it's random. the sudden rush of playing the piano. the serendity of music. the melodious sound of soulfulness.
the sudden mood to flirt. the egoistic rush that comes with it. the attention that you get from it.
the sudden swing to melochany. the weird feeling of guilt. a reminder of the pain.
met millicent, my dear ex-colleague who's just finished her final exams from SMU, after tuition today. She's always such a dearie, very sweet and nice to everyone. her family's so close-knitted, it doesnt matter that her house might be messier than mine. she kisses her mum sorry-i-havent-got-time-to-help-you, calls her lil' sis darling, hugs her mum when she's leaving the hse. like i never did any of these before with my family. enviousity. a new term i coined. People who don't know her might find it skeptical cos "why would anyone be so nice?" they asked. Well, she really is. She has her share of stories of ppl irritating her, but she also has lovely stories about how dear her group of frens are to her. Seems like she meets nice ppl everywhere she goes! but really, it's only becos she is so nice, that others are always nice people to her. Innocence is always good. Anyway, we had the famous Fei fei Wanton mee along Tembeling Rd (or sth like that) near Joo Chiat and it was FANTASTIC. The noodles looked boring when they first came, with tiny slices of char siew & veg & wanton with plain looking pale-yellow noodles. One weird thing is that it came with a spoonful of chilli on the noodles. it's meant to be stirred into the noodles, mel said. Right, so i tried and at the same time wondering how come it automatically comes with chilli when i din ask for it. it's only when you really taste it that.....it SOOOO uberly yummy! omg. The noodles were soooo goood! i can't find a correct adjective to describe it, but it's smooth and not dry like the normal wontan noodles you find outside. yum yum! OH! And when u're done with ur noodles, bring ur bowl to where the noodles are cooked (the store front) and e auntie will automatically know wat to do - in a flash of lightning she grabs your bowl, puts a dash of fish stock (tt's wat mel told me), throws in some spring onions, pour some soup in and WALA~! The very yummy-non-MSG soup is done! Apparently the residue chilli after you finish your noodles is meant to add taste to your soup! Might sound a bit disgusting but it's UBERLICIOUS, i tell ya.
Came back home and flirted with the thought of going rollerblading again. Yesterday was great when i went with zhu who tried it for the 1st time. She can blade slowly now!! so proud of her!! :D I'm very happy! we'll go again, won't we zhu? hehe.
Well, i guess i won't go - the skies looking gloomy now. sigh.
Suddenly decided to play on my piano. it's surreal, the feeling. the rush of music flowing from your fingertips to your mind, filling you with a wave of peace. only regret? should have learnt it well when i was younger. i'm struggling with sight-reading now. blah.
how's the rest of the day gonna be? tomorrow's labour day - good thing cos long weekend. hopefully i'll get to go out tonight. pretty aimless these days. well.
Monday, April 24, 2006
Things women do when they're insecure
it's so strange. i've got this good guy fren whose fiance is jealous of me. to the point of portraying her possessiveness in my presence. I'm sick of it. *frowns*
All was well at the beginning. In fact, I was introduced to the group of friends through her. Then, i met her then-bf-now-fiance, let's call him B. Well, being a people-person, B made me warm up to him pretty easily. And i began confiding in him for many matters, be it affairs of the heart or work-related. I enjoy talking to him, as i look upon him as a dear mentor, a dear friend. I dunno how he looks upon me, but i know he's a faithful man who'll NEVER do anything to betray his fiance's trust. He knows i treat him only as a good friend, and i guess how he feels towards me is nothing lustful as well - just a kind of mutual feeling that is different from relationship-liking. Rather, i think he's just fond of me as a person. Like how some people just click so well with you that you naturally like the person as a person. nothing more than that.
The turning point between me and the lady was after i broke up with my then-partner of 2 yrs back last may. Guys in this group of acquaintenance began "noticing" me, so called. Well, i guess it was like a bird released from a cage - fresh blood. It was also then when B & I became better friends as i started to relate to him about the whole episode of the breakup & such, and after which when i got myself into another relationship. It was saucy news & gossip to him, thus he's always asking me for updates. *rolls eyes* Anyway, basically he listened to whatever i said. However, that was also when his lady started giving me suspicious looks and started to become cold towards me. I knew it and i've even confronted B about it. I said, i think your fiance is very guarded against me! and he laughed it off. sheesh. In fact he's very proud that his fiance is still jealous over him. Duh! i say. Seriously, there's nothing between us! I dun feel a thing towards B! crazy.
When i attended his ROM party, i made a point to really shake her hands, look her in the eyes and tell her very sincerely that i'm really very very happy for both of them, hoping she gets the hint that I-HAVE-ZERO-INTENTIONS-OF-STEALING-HER-HUSBAND-TO-BE. Well, she didn't response very warmly towards that, in fact, she gave a half-hearted shake with a surprised look on her face. *shrugs* i've tried my best.
I'm not being overly-sensitive here really - never doubt a woman's instincts.
It's been a few incidents that really got me puzzled and cheezed off that's why i'm writing this entry. Everytime i see her, i see a guarded face. Everytime i see her, i feel awkward talking to B. I feel like she's very resentful of my very presence in the same room. To the point that these days, i dread meeting the group, cos B will surely send me back while his lady will surely be around and i'll only feel so awkward. i've learnt to keep my distance. and hell no did i ever flirt with him! He's my "complain & bitch" buddy, just like the same i am to him. We unload our frustrations & complains onto each other cos we'll listen and then have a good laugh over it after that. He's just someone whom i feel good talking to about my problems. that's all! what's her problem! sheesh! Damn cheezed off man.
My sis said some girls are just more possessive and less generous about such things and that perhaps she feels i'm not "automatic" enough to keep a distance from her guy. I say, obviously she's just plain insecure and thus feels threatened by me. For whatever reasons - heck i've no clue dude! I've got smaller boobs than her, less of a fantastic figure that she has... What's she insecure about?? I dun get it. Becos i sound less bimbotic & more intelligent? *rolls eyes* whatever.
I can't stand it anymore!!! Crazy.
All was well at the beginning. In fact, I was introduced to the group of friends through her. Then, i met her then-bf-now-fiance, let's call him B. Well, being a people-person, B made me warm up to him pretty easily. And i began confiding in him for many matters, be it affairs of the heart or work-related. I enjoy talking to him, as i look upon him as a dear mentor, a dear friend. I dunno how he looks upon me, but i know he's a faithful man who'll NEVER do anything to betray his fiance's trust. He knows i treat him only as a good friend, and i guess how he feels towards me is nothing lustful as well - just a kind of mutual feeling that is different from relationship-liking. Rather, i think he's just fond of me as a person. Like how some people just click so well with you that you naturally like the person as a person. nothing more than that.
The turning point between me and the lady was after i broke up with my then-partner of 2 yrs back last may. Guys in this group of acquaintenance began "noticing" me, so called. Well, i guess it was like a bird released from a cage - fresh blood. It was also then when B & I became better friends as i started to relate to him about the whole episode of the breakup & such, and after which when i got myself into another relationship. It was saucy news & gossip to him, thus he's always asking me for updates. *rolls eyes* Anyway, basically he listened to whatever i said. However, that was also when his lady started giving me suspicious looks and started to become cold towards me. I knew it and i've even confronted B about it. I said, i think your fiance is very guarded against me! and he laughed it off. sheesh. In fact he's very proud that his fiance is still jealous over him. Duh! i say. Seriously, there's nothing between us! I dun feel a thing towards B! crazy.
When i attended his ROM party, i made a point to really shake her hands, look her in the eyes and tell her very sincerely that i'm really very very happy for both of them, hoping she gets the hint that I-HAVE-ZERO-INTENTIONS-OF-STEALING-HER-HUSBAND-TO-BE. Well, she didn't response very warmly towards that, in fact, she gave a half-hearted shake with a surprised look on her face. *shrugs* i've tried my best.
I'm not being overly-sensitive here really - never doubt a woman's instincts.
It's been a few incidents that really got me puzzled and cheezed off that's why i'm writing this entry. Everytime i see her, i see a guarded face. Everytime i see her, i feel awkward talking to B. I feel like she's very resentful of my very presence in the same room. To the point that these days, i dread meeting the group, cos B will surely send me back while his lady will surely be around and i'll only feel so awkward. i've learnt to keep my distance. and hell no did i ever flirt with him! He's my "complain & bitch" buddy, just like the same i am to him. We unload our frustrations & complains onto each other cos we'll listen and then have a good laugh over it after that. He's just someone whom i feel good talking to about my problems. that's all! what's her problem! sheesh! Damn cheezed off man.
My sis said some girls are just more possessive and less generous about such things and that perhaps she feels i'm not "automatic" enough to keep a distance from her guy. I say, obviously she's just plain insecure and thus feels threatened by me. For whatever reasons - heck i've no clue dude! I've got smaller boobs than her, less of a fantastic figure that she has... What's she insecure about?? I dun get it. Becos i sound less bimbotic & more intelligent? *rolls eyes* whatever.
I can't stand it anymore!!! Crazy.
Sparklette.net
I always visit blogs, famous bitchy ones like Xiaxue. Or intellectual & earnest writings like Sparklette.net in particular. The author is a very neat & detailed young lady from NUS, has a good sense of color combi and photography skills. Very good choice of calming soothing music selection as well.
Was reading through as usual, but can't help but post her most recent entry here -
Was reading through as usual, but can't help but post her most recent entry here -
p/s:
Sunday, April 23, 2006
Postsecret
Excerpts from Postsecret
"I love you, even when i lose you to another state in the fall"
"I showed her my sensitive side, and it nearly killed me. Now, i spend every day trying to squash it, so that nobody can ever hurt me again."
"I can't remember to forget you."
"I love you, even when i lose you to another state in the fall"
"I showed her my sensitive side, and it nearly killed me. Now, i spend every day trying to squash it, so that nobody can ever hurt me again."
"I can't remember to forget you."
Updates 2
Someone guide me on how to post pictures, plssssss. My new sexy K750i has a good enuf MP resolution that i think it's a shame if i dun start putting them up. i take pics everywhere i go now! I'm just too lazy to find out the techy stuff myself these days. not to mention, if anyone can tell me where i can get nice blog layouts, i'll be eternally grateful to u toooo. i used to do my own, but after a while, i've got to admit that i'm not the most creative around. yea, i shld stop pretending i'm some jack of all trades cos obviously i'm not good at most stuff i had interest in.
some time back, i played with fire and i really dun like the feeling after. Some things are so obvious yet i let myself be vulnerable to it knowingly.
oh, i'm going BALI this vesak day!! woohoooO~! finally booked the tickets today - after going down to Chinatown for the third time. Had wanted to stay in Hard Rock Hotel Bali, but guess what? The attitude-but-cute travel consultant was telling me "what? u sure? that's where everyone is avoiding to stay at cos of the bombings, now u wanna stay there?!" OMG. i couldn't believe my ears when i heard it. i mean, why wld any travel consultant warn me abt possible BOMBINGS in the place i'm gonna book with them, right?! but nvm, i like her! very frank. :D Gonna go with zhu & min - again another all-girls trip yea. so excited. next time i wanna go Batam over the weekend cos that agent was raving to me all abt the cheap spa & massages are over there compared to Bali when she last brought a tour group over ($17 for 2hrs hot stones massage + free transfer to & fro the hotel & spa!!) Who wanna go with me next time?! maybe June or July after my choir performance.
till next time,
XKC
some time back, i played with fire and i really dun like the feeling after. Some things are so obvious yet i let myself be vulnerable to it knowingly.
oh, i'm going BALI this vesak day!! woohoooO~! finally booked the tickets today - after going down to Chinatown for the third time. Had wanted to stay in Hard Rock Hotel Bali, but guess what? The attitude-but-cute travel consultant was telling me "what? u sure? that's where everyone is avoiding to stay at cos of the bombings, now u wanna stay there?!" OMG. i couldn't believe my ears when i heard it. i mean, why wld any travel consultant warn me abt possible BOMBINGS in the place i'm gonna book with them, right?! but nvm, i like her! very frank. :D Gonna go with zhu & min - again another all-girls trip yea. so excited. next time i wanna go Batam over the weekend cos that agent was raving to me all abt the cheap spa & massages are over there compared to Bali when she last brought a tour group over ($17 for 2hrs hot stones massage + free transfer to & fro the hotel & spa!!) Who wanna go with me next time?! maybe June or July after my choir performance.
till next time,
XKC
我要快乐
p/s: Thanks Lemon for sharing this song on her blog.
hahaha...was downloading this song, listening to it after reading this off my ex-colleague's blog when, guess what? my very funny mum came by with soup on one hand and exclaimed "oh! this song! u oso like? i heard it on radio and i like too!" and she started singing along "我要快乐..........." wahahahaha so cute. and her "radio" is 95.8FM can. she's even telling me to buy the Amei cd now. Wah! i never knew she's so hiphop. hee.
what a wet blanket. my voice's still not fully recovered yet, making me screech like some deaf tone dummy & end up in bots of coughing when i try singing..yucks!
i love this song's lyrics too - it's so meaningful to me. it's just so apt in describing how i've been feeling all these while. "duh", some people might say. but i'm just another human with feelings, eh? my story's not exactly like that in the song, but the aftermath feels exactly the same. know what i mean?
no, i tot i'm over it, but no i still am not. i cry like a sore loser when i'm alone, i drink and laugh just to cover up the hollowness now in me. fuck it, i dun really care who reads my blog anymore. i'm no longer hiding behind another identity - someone afraid to show her true self to the world. been telling myself - i'm only human, i'm ONLY human! it's time to stop being afraid of how others look at me and judge me, when i'm only being myself. i finally am allowing myself to tok openly about how i really feel, at the same time sounding childish, sounding stupid, sounding inexperienced. But really, i'm only being myself. Gimme a break. i should have been like this back when i was 15 or 16, but i'd withheld my true self to only my close clique. the rest see me as some ice queen with few words and maybe even "nice". hur hur. Only they'd seen my true crazy nonsensical self. only they know how cynical and unnice i really can be. only they know what a bitch i can be too. hahaha... Now, i'm showing more of myself to others, not afraid to express myself and embarass myself in public, cos i'm only learning to better myself with each day of blunders and mistakes. :)
Soh's little gesture today totally made my day today. :) She got her younger sis to pass me a bottle of ginger-orange water during tuition. So sweet of her. Though i hate ginger. hee.
i've got some much things to update, that one entry is usually not enuf.
Amei - 我要快乐
又被爱伤了一遍
无所谓当作成长
刚刚走开的人
烟还点着味道却淡了
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐 我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨 我早应该割舍
我要快乐 哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的 全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的
把从前想了一遍
谢谢了伤我的人
想做乐观的人
每种雨声听了都不冷
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐 我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨 我早应该割舍
我要快乐 哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的 全都是假的
我的决定是对的
hahaha...was downloading this song, listening to it after reading this off my ex-colleague's blog when, guess what? my very funny mum came by with soup on one hand and exclaimed "oh! this song! u oso like? i heard it on radio and i like too!" and she started singing along "我要快乐..........." wahahahaha so cute. and her "radio" is 95.8FM can. she's even telling me to buy the Amei cd now. Wah! i never knew she's so hiphop. hee.
what a wet blanket. my voice's still not fully recovered yet, making me screech like some deaf tone dummy & end up in bots of coughing when i try singing..yucks!
i love this song's lyrics too - it's so meaningful to me. it's just so apt in describing how i've been feeling all these while. "duh", some people might say. but i'm just another human with feelings, eh? my story's not exactly like that in the song, but the aftermath feels exactly the same. know what i mean?
no, i tot i'm over it, but no i still am not. i cry like a sore loser when i'm alone, i drink and laugh just to cover up the hollowness now in me. fuck it, i dun really care who reads my blog anymore. i'm no longer hiding behind another identity - someone afraid to show her true self to the world. been telling myself - i'm only human, i'm ONLY human! it's time to stop being afraid of how others look at me and judge me, when i'm only being myself. i finally am allowing myself to tok openly about how i really feel, at the same time sounding childish, sounding stupid, sounding inexperienced. But really, i'm only being myself. Gimme a break. i should have been like this back when i was 15 or 16, but i'd withheld my true self to only my close clique. the rest see me as some ice queen with few words and maybe even "nice". hur hur. Only they'd seen my true crazy nonsensical self. only they know how cynical and unnice i really can be. only they know what a bitch i can be too. hahaha... Now, i'm showing more of myself to others, not afraid to express myself and embarass myself in public, cos i'm only learning to better myself with each day of blunders and mistakes. :)
Soh's little gesture today totally made my day today. :) She got her younger sis to pass me a bottle of ginger-orange water during tuition. So sweet of her. Though i hate ginger. hee.
i've got some much things to update, that one entry is usually not enuf.
Amei - 我要快乐
又被爱伤了一遍
无所谓当作成长
刚刚走开的人
烟还点着味道却淡了
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐 我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨 我早应该割舍
我要快乐 哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的 全都是假的
只有眼泪是真的
把从前想了一遍
谢谢了伤我的人
想做乐观的人
每种雨声听了都不冷
我并不是天生爱寂寞
却比任何人都多
就算把世界给我
我还是一无所有
我要快乐 我要能睡的安稳
有些人不抱了才温暖
离开了才不恨 我早应该割舍
我要快乐 哪怕笑的再大声
心不是热的 全都是假的
我的决定是对的
Sunday, April 02, 2006
Overwhelming stressful week
The past few days' been my worst week at work.
1. My company offered me a permanent position finally. In case u're wondering, yes i'm happy abt that confirmation. Unfortunately, there wasn't any discussion prior to it and everything was set without my knowledge. Confused, angry, yet the courage to quit is still lacking. Is it becos i'm such a pushover that ppl just keep taking advantage of me? Is it becos i dunno how to stand for my own rights? or maybe i'm really just not up to the job - YET? It hurts to know that i'm wanted in the company not becos of how i can contribute, but i'm just a cheap hardworking ass. That sucks, u know? Of cos, no one said that to me explicitly, but anyone can see that. OR, i can look at it another way - despite my lack of experience, they're willing to keep me, train me. basically, they see potential in me - which is what they've been trying to say. my prev supervisor is great, we're on even better terms after i left her wing to go for some proper hands-on account servicing experience with another account director. In fact, she's the one who initiated the confirmation and chased HR for my pay checks, my application, etc etc. She told me i'm good, just inexperienced, so i shld bite the bullet now and accept it. So good that she'll recommend me to anyone if i go elsewhere. "that's how good i think u are," she said. Sometimes, i just wonder, if i'm so good, why am i not offered an amount that matches to my value? It's intriguing how people reason out. Sigh. i dunno.
2. I made many mistakes at work this week. And my current supervisor is kinda frustrated. Not to mention i made a MAJOR mistake on friday, which made me cry BUCKETS. sigh. Did a post-mortem with my good fren and he said i shouldnt have cried openly as it wld affect my reputation even more. GOD! now it's wrong even feeling guilty and showin it! sigh, why is it that everything that i do is wrong?! Am i too weak? I think i'm just not professional enuf at work. YES, i'm not.
3. I'm still not over it yet. still not. even tho how much i tell myself i have. nothing hurts more than this. Cousin asked me just now, "what happened at work is it due to a) THAT, b) lack of sleep, or c) u're just too blur". It's probably a combination of all. For most of the week, i've been going home after 10pm, sometimes 1am. And my CD started questioning me why i need to. Now, this is not a good sign as angmohs dun appreciate those who work late as they associate that with inefficiency and the incapability to prioritize. One nice thing she said was, "u shld go partying everyday! not work till so late!" That was nice, i guess. One other angmoh, the aussie who used to make me do things (surprising, she's VERY nice to me these days), saw how upset i was and said, "If u cant handle anything, just let me and xx noe, we'll help. GM & CD really likes u, u noe, so just shout out if u need help. JUST don't quit, ok!" That's the other nice bit i got on an awful friday evening. At least there're ppl in the office who appreciates my presence. I shall aim NOT to leave work after 7pm this week onwards!! AIM AIM!! Having no time goal is a killer and a sure-late night. 7pm it shall be! no more push-work-to-kaixin from monday onwards! and focus focus focus!!!
4. I was late for tuition today. AGAIN. for half an hr. that's equivalent to reputation suicide. ok, this NEVER happened to me 1-2 yrs back when i first started. This semester and the last one was particularly terrible. Perhaps i'm just not suitable to be a tutor, or i'm just so not focused these days, i can't find myself, i'm soo lost and like a wandering soul for the past 6mths, that it's affecting my work, my family r/s, my tuition, my frens r/s, my everything! WAKE UP, XIN! WAKE UP!! =( I need to snap back to the good old strong, opinionated Xin bk when i was in Uni, SOON. I NEED TO. My life is in a mess now.
5. The only good thing that happened is that i finally got myself a new hp - SE K750i. it's got one of the best functions ard - 2MP camera with photolight, mp3 functions, fm radio, melody composer, etc etc. Whatever i need, it's all in. I used to procrastinate the purchase of hps cos 1) it's ex, 2) i'm just too stingy to change hps cos i dun need such a gadgety phone and i can always rely on an older phone from my sis or whoever. Now, as i grow older, i find it embarassing to ask my sis to supply me with her older hps/her bf's spare hps cos it's just awkward now! neither do i get my mum to sponsor me, which i think i can get it if i insist.
Sigh it's the start of a new work week. I need to focus on getting my work right from today onwards and not focus on last week's embarassment at work. I need to focus! The first step is to sleep early! ok, i shall sleep at 11.30am after my new hp is fully charged!
yea! cheers to a better me! =)
1. My company offered me a permanent position finally. In case u're wondering, yes i'm happy abt that confirmation. Unfortunately, there wasn't any discussion prior to it and everything was set without my knowledge. Confused, angry, yet the courage to quit is still lacking. Is it becos i'm such a pushover that ppl just keep taking advantage of me? Is it becos i dunno how to stand for my own rights? or maybe i'm really just not up to the job - YET? It hurts to know that i'm wanted in the company not becos of how i can contribute, but i'm just a cheap hardworking ass. That sucks, u know? Of cos, no one said that to me explicitly, but anyone can see that. OR, i can look at it another way - despite my lack of experience, they're willing to keep me, train me. basically, they see potential in me - which is what they've been trying to say. my prev supervisor is great, we're on even better terms after i left her wing to go for some proper hands-on account servicing experience with another account director. In fact, she's the one who initiated the confirmation and chased HR for my pay checks, my application, etc etc. She told me i'm good, just inexperienced, so i shld bite the bullet now and accept it. So good that she'll recommend me to anyone if i go elsewhere. "that's how good i think u are," she said. Sometimes, i just wonder, if i'm so good, why am i not offered an amount that matches to my value? It's intriguing how people reason out. Sigh. i dunno.
2. I made many mistakes at work this week. And my current supervisor is kinda frustrated. Not to mention i made a MAJOR mistake on friday, which made me cry BUCKETS. sigh. Did a post-mortem with my good fren and he said i shouldnt have cried openly as it wld affect my reputation even more. GOD! now it's wrong even feeling guilty and showin it! sigh, why is it that everything that i do is wrong?! Am i too weak? I think i'm just not professional enuf at work. YES, i'm not.
3. I'm still not over it yet. still not. even tho how much i tell myself i have. nothing hurts more than this. Cousin asked me just now, "what happened at work is it due to a) THAT, b) lack of sleep, or c) u're just too blur". It's probably a combination of all. For most of the week, i've been going home after 10pm, sometimes 1am. And my CD started questioning me why i need to. Now, this is not a good sign as angmohs dun appreciate those who work late as they associate that with inefficiency and the incapability to prioritize. One nice thing she said was, "u shld go partying everyday! not work till so late!" That was nice, i guess. One other angmoh, the aussie who used to make me do things (surprising, she's VERY nice to me these days), saw how upset i was and said, "If u cant handle anything, just let me and xx noe, we'll help. GM & CD really likes u, u noe, so just shout out if u need help. JUST don't quit, ok!" That's the other nice bit i got on an awful friday evening. At least there're ppl in the office who appreciates my presence. I shall aim NOT to leave work after 7pm this week onwards!! AIM AIM!! Having no time goal is a killer and a sure-late night. 7pm it shall be! no more push-work-to-kaixin from monday onwards! and focus focus focus!!!
4. I was late for tuition today. AGAIN. for half an hr. that's equivalent to reputation suicide. ok, this NEVER happened to me 1-2 yrs back when i first started. This semester and the last one was particularly terrible. Perhaps i'm just not suitable to be a tutor, or i'm just so not focused these days, i can't find myself, i'm soo lost and like a wandering soul for the past 6mths, that it's affecting my work, my family r/s, my tuition, my frens r/s, my everything! WAKE UP, XIN! WAKE UP!! =( I need to snap back to the good old strong, opinionated Xin bk when i was in Uni, SOON. I NEED TO. My life is in a mess now.
5. The only good thing that happened is that i finally got myself a new hp - SE K750i. it's got one of the best functions ard - 2MP camera with photolight, mp3 functions, fm radio, melody composer, etc etc. Whatever i need, it's all in. I used to procrastinate the purchase of hps cos 1) it's ex, 2) i'm just too stingy to change hps cos i dun need such a gadgety phone and i can always rely on an older phone from my sis or whoever. Now, as i grow older, i find it embarassing to ask my sis to supply me with her older hps/her bf's spare hps cos it's just awkward now! neither do i get my mum to sponsor me, which i think i can get it if i insist.
Sigh it's the start of a new work week. I need to focus on getting my work right from today onwards and not focus on last week's embarassment at work. I need to focus! The first step is to sleep early! ok, i shall sleep at 11.30am after my new hp is fully charged!
yea! cheers to a better me! =)
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