People-pleaser, am not.

i know i'm not gonna make it in this industry. i just know it.

I hate pleasing people cos i need their help. it's just too unnatural. I please people becos i like them naturally. not becos i think i'll need their help next time. but that's what people do. particularly so in this industry.

sigh. yes yes yes, everywhere u go is the same. but what can be worse - get stuck in a place u know u'll loathe more & more or continue to be in a lousy place and get moulded into a person you originally loathe?

now i know i'm more obstinate & opininated that i'd thought. To think that i used to believe i was the "young, impressionable & easily-influenced" girl with a lack of self-opinion.

I guess being in the workforce builds character and brings out the real personality in yourself. You stumble, you hit rocks, you learn. You say stupid stuff, you do stupid mistakes, you learn. You get mocked at, get despised at, you learn.

Some people are just so good at this - they just naturally know what to do at every point in their lives. I need to get myself scalded before knowing what is wrong.

blah. what a lousy week to begin with.

~yoda~

Rollin' good times

It's always therapeutic meeting up with an old friend for plain old shopping spree.

The feeling of the good old buddies is back. *smiles*

though it was a short, last-min-arranged-i-dragged-her-down thing, it was still good. no particular events that happened that needed dramatic crying (the usual old stuff that happens whenever i see her last time); rather it was just plain meetup, single me talking happily about nothing particularly sad, just sharing my life and she sharing hers.

Ahhh...how nice & simple & warm a feeling! i miss it! at first i was wondering whether getting her out of her hse to meetup/shop was too last min a decision that it might seem forceful on my part. And though she was LATE (haha), i dun think it was a bad decision after all! hehehe. it was a good meetup. i dunno, i just felt this is one of the few times i din look her up just to present to her my emotionally wreaked self, but one of the times of joy of meeting up purely for each other's company that we enjoyed thoroughly tho it was short. (ok, maybe more like keeping me company but then again)

we talked about girly shopping stuff, people in our lives, work, families, & finally intimate stuff (haha). It was a balance of everything, and i like! :D Not particularly skewed towards guys, which used to be my usual topic whenever i meet/contact her (yawn yawn. that was so yesterday. i dun need a guy anymore. lol. singlehood is a good feeling.). Now, it's about girl freedom and a good mix of an update on each other's lives so far.

haiyo zai, i'm glad i pulled u out last min. it's been so long and it's such a good old feeling tho it's a short less than 3hrs! :D

1st time in 8 months

Finally down.

1st time in almost 8 months. I've never taken sick leave since starting out at this co. Or for a matter-of-fact, never since i graduated & started work. i think so. i hope i'm not gonna break the record tml.

1st time in 8 months, feeling the highest level of stress until i started to hyperventile - almost went into a panic attack which would've threatened to make me look like a fool. Technology playing tricks on me - 3 repeated emails can't get sent to my client, 4 faxes didn't go through, and i waited for one hour before my client can approve. and i was running late. not even just "out of time"

i might have broken down a few times during my stay here due to stress induced by fellow colleagues. But they weren't so serious, cos after the tears came out, i could still bitch about it, nag at it for a month, get some pacifying from my other colleagues and i'll be fine in an hr. This lasted for 3 hrs before it subsided. Yes, i counted. But no, i didn't cry at all. I took deep breaths, took a slow long walk to the bus stop and from the bus stop to the IJ Home, i walked up and down my company's stairs, I talked my to colleagues to distract myself....but I only got more agitated. I almost snapped at my supervisor. But the tension never left me.

i couldn't believe that technology, the one that i love most, ALMOST did me in at the 11th hour. but then again, i should have practised to be more calm during hiccups like dat, in order to think of alternatives to solve the issue.

Starving, for the 1st time in 8 months. i only had 2/5 of a nonya dumpling & 1/2 glass of tea in the morning, 3 small cups of milo during my 2pm-5pm long meeting, & finally 1 ham sandwich & 1 caesar salad at 5pm. It might be enough for a slim gal, but to me, i was practically starving all the way till 5pm. Now, at 12.25am, i'm starving again. with a fever. i felt cold. very cold while walking down the slope with the rain softly hitting on my tan skin. Now my nostrils are flaring hot steam.

And just when i tot i could unload all this stress (& maybe fever germs) online here, my choir president called and "wanted to check with me" whether i helped the IJ Home girl out of obligation (cos we're using the place for our choir for free) or whether i did this out of pure goodwill. I'm terribly disappointed. TERRIBLY. it's an insult i can never swallow.

and the tears started to flow. On and on and on.................