"Selfishness is good. I don't mean complete selfishness - that would be a crime.
But practise moderation in being selfish is actually beneficial for one's mental health.
How many times have you believed yourself to be a giver? Everyone says they give, while seldom people admit that they are takers. When a relationship fails, all you think is how much you've given to *that* person and shouldn't have wasted your time in the first place. And that led to your depression, your PMS, your sadness etc because you can't stop hating the person who has cheated/disappointed you. In short, yes, you feel shortchanged.
Nobody asked you to give *that* much in the first place. I am sure you did it out of your own free will. You went head over heels, feelings ruled over your own mind. I know it's hard to hold back. When love flows, all else flows.
That said, from the little I experiences I have been through, just like you, maybe something is wrong with ourselves. Start practising self-love, I preach. Really, we have to love ourselves more than others (unless you are Jesus Christ) at times. In what ways? I am not asking you to masturbate (I know you do, it should never be a suggestion on my side).
Stop buying things for your other half. It's time you pamper yourself. Treat yourself to a good Spa treatment or buy yourself a new toy (I suggest Creative's Zen Touch?). Rework your priorities. Dedicate more time, and I mean PRIME times to friends and family. Don't try to meet your good friend for a sorry Monday evening and then dedicating the whole weekend for your other half. Simply put, don't privilege your partner with fantastic timings and subjugate your friends to pathetic 1hr weekday lunches or mad-rush sale shoppings.
More importantly, stop alluding what the future holds for the both of you, unless you are getting married. Yes, we must plan for the future, but always remember to see TWO plans. Plan A is how you would want to live your live as a SINGLE 1,2,5 or 10 years down the road and Plan B is how you would want to live your life as an ATTACHEE xxx years down the road. If your relationship fails, at least you have prepared a vision for yourself as a SINGLE beforehand. The future seems clearer with more plans, just like buying several insurance policies.
More often than none, people end up depressed/suicidal/mad/angry/frustrated/you-fill-in-the- blanks after a break up because the future that they have pictured with their partners have been completely dashed. They see no light at the end of the tunnel for maybe a day to even years. Getting over a relationship is hard when someone refuses accept reality and live in the past i.e to hang on to ideals which were never meant to come true.
Start making an insurance policy for yourself today. This insurance is very unique. The beneficiary is yourself. That when you get dumped, you still have yourself, and you still have your own life, albeit single and different, but well prepared and yes, bright. "
by Ron Tan, NUS
http://www.funkygrad.com/think/displayarticle.php?artID=495&subcat=relationships
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