one sunday afternoon

alone on a sunday afternoon
waking up early
with nothing to do
except to laze around
and to start the daily scoop.

nothing on my agenda
nothing on my mind

i wander i wander, and i stop.

down the road of memory lane
i thought i was a fool
perhaps i'm not.

some say i'm silly
i think they might be true.

a mind of my own?
i often asked.

a tour down friendster lane
to get back my touch with reality.

nothing beats staying sane
and staying true to yourself.

there's nothing more intriguing
than observing different human acts.

u can tell, from friendster profiles
some childish
some sadistic
some self-centered
some big-hearted
some humorous
some selective
some dark
some deep
some self-conscious
some insensitive
some shy
some bold
some profile-shy
some profile-loud

whatever they may be
we are all human with one objective -

to have a presence
in the cyber "reality".

whether it's just a facade
or a reflection of one's true self.

-----------------------------

sometimes i wonder
whether i'm real.

i don't seem to know my true self
i can't place an identity to myself.

i observe my surroundings all too carefully
i weigh my choices all too carefully
i watch my actions all too carefully

so carefully
i lose my sense of sanity.

i think too much of the
why-s, what-s, how-s, when-s;
that i forgot my
am-s, love-s, no-s, and yes-s.

so much so
that i over-rely on misconstrued methods
to understand myself.

am i stubborn?
yes, you are.
then yes, i am.

am i strong?
yes, sometimes u are.
then yes, sometimes i am.

am i cheerful?
well, but u're stubborn.
then ok, then i must be selectively cheerful.

am i a nice person?
u're sometimes evil, let's put it this way.
then yes, i'm half an angel, half a demon.

i allow others to define me.
how about myself?
does others' opinions count so much,
when i should be the one who should know myself best?

or did i just define who i am?

i get a headache just thinking too deep
i should stop
for the sake of my head.

it's getting too heavy
spinning webs of chocolate gold.

For my sanity good
i should stop.