Realisation

it hit me suddenly.
why you tried to stop this rs from happening right from the start.

you did it right,
for you knew you can't commit.

ha! after so long, i didnt realise it until now.

silly of me to even ask for you to be the one giving now,
when you were convinced by me that i'll be the giver right from the start.

silly of me to blame you for not doing your part,
when you were the one who was told i'll be the willing one to give it all.

i'd told you we'll be fine even with all the obstacles in the world.
i reassured you.
i brought hope into your life again.
But only to bring it crashing down with my wimps & cries about your non-giving.

I convinced you to be loved by me,
but the blinded me failed to see there'll be complications later on.
the complications that u FORSAW and made u want to stop us from continuing - right from the start.

it was a silent understanding/agreement/promise we made that day - that i'll be the giver,
and you'll be the receiver.
full stop.

But overestimated myself, i did.
and an overpromise, i made.
One that i can't fulfill.
One that I'd now failed.

who am i to blame,
but the overly confident gal right from the start?

I'm only human,
i'll tell myself from today onwards.

I don't want to underdeliver on promises anymore,
then blame others for blaming me.

I find peace with myself today.
22 Feb 2007.